United States of America
In a month’s time, my husband and I will be married twelve years. For ten of those years, my husband served with the US Marine Corps. We met young, but I know he is still my one.
PTSD was not present in our home until many years after his deployments, while on recruiting duty. At the time, I didn’t know that is was PTSD. I honestly thought my husband had become an angry alcoholic.
He never talked about his deployments to me, and of course my husband would always lead me to believe that he was never in any danger where he was. Yes, I believed him, because I also wanted to think that he was safe.
The stress of recruiting boiled over and my husband could no longer suppress everything he had pushed down so deep. We have now been living with PTSD in our home since 2011, which was four years after his first deployment.
My husband did go through a program on base that helped him. And I actually thought, “this is it, he is finally going to be better now”. I saw him smile again. I had missed that so much.
Unfortunately, not long after he got out of the Marine Corps (after serving for eleven years he couldn’t do it any more, emotionally), he went right back to drinking. He stopped taking his medication and didn’t even try to find somewhere to go for help. He is currently back on medication, as of just recently, but we are still in the middle of a silent war in our home.
PTSD has changed everything in our home. We have three children together. But I have lost who I am in the process, because I have to work, take care of the home, and take care of our children. My husband just can’t do it. He is not emotionally capable of anything like that right now.
I am still searching for the light at the end of our tunnel, praying each day for him to want to fight his PTSD and overcome it.
PTSD is not something that you can cure. That is a big misconception. The person with PTSD will never be who they once were, but with the right help and guidance they can be just as wonderful.
Their love for you has nothing to do with the way they act. Your love for them will never be enough. They have to want to get better, and want to change, or it will never happen.
I have learned I cannot do it for my husband. I can help him by loving him and supporting him, and finding resources to help, but he has to make the move to go and to do it.
He has to want it.
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